Sunday, January 1, 2012


Hello Blog World! I hope you will all forgive me this year long sabbatical I have taken. I'm sure all 8 of you that actually read this blog were very disappointed... :)

Because this is my blog, and I can write about whatever I want, I want to ramble for a minute about how this last year has felt, and why it feels so good to be back. You know those funny Geico commercials? Well, there is the one that starts with "Are you living under a rock?" That is where I have been for the last year...under a rock. I am ashamed to say that I let circumstances of life push me under a rock. The last 2 years have provided our family with some very difficult financial circumstances. We have gone through 2 job losses due to the bad economy, and then a took a job with a company who hired Derick, but had hidden the fact that they were on the verge of financial ruin. They stopped paying us, and we are still in a battle to get the money they owe us.

**(Side note- Forgive me if this sounds like me whining...this is therapeutic for me...and it is all part of the explanation of my journey to where I am today...I know so many others who have far more serious trials)**

As a result of these financial difficulties we have lost a vehicle, have moved into a little rental house across town, and are in the process of short selling our home to avoid foreclosure. PHEW! I SAID IT! I don't know why that has been so hard! These circumstances have taken me on such a journey. I don't know why, because there are so many people who are in our exact situation right now, but when you are going through these kinds of things you feel so alone. Satan has a way of wrapping so much shame, and embarrassment, and "you're-not-good-enough's", and "I-wonder-what-everybody-is-thinking-about-me's" ect, into my thoughts that I finally, for awhile, let him win. Despite that our situation didn't stem from us having loads of credit card debt, and buying expensive toys, or living lavishly beyond our means...even though I knew that we just hit a really big (or several small...depending on how you look at it :) ) pocket/s of bad luck, I let him get to me.

And I'm here to tell you all that I'm back. I'm not letting him win anymore. I'm not letting him take away relationships I've had for years, but have been too embarrassed to keep-in-touch with because of embarrassment. I'm not letting him cause me to hide my face at the grocery store in fear of what people in my wonderfully small town are thinking/saying.

In short, or semi-short :)... I am not letting him dictate who I am, or my self-worth anymore!! Because through all of these things, I have honestly learned that THESE THINGS DON'T MATTER!!! MONEY doesn't matter!! I have missed out on so many things because I have let myself believe that they do. And they DON'T!

The most important thing I have learned this last year, is that my faith cannot be circumstantial. And I would go through everything all over again to learn this lesson...though I hope I won't have to. :) My Heavenly Father, my kind, gentle, very very very patient Heavenly Father, ALWAYS knows what I need. The chorus to one of my very favorite songs says " I prayed for strength, and I got pain to make me strong...I prayed for courage, and I got fear to overcome...I prayed for faith, my empty heart brought me to my knees...I don't always get what I want, but I get what I need." This mimics my feelings exactly.

For those who have hung in this far...I am almost done. :)This New Year=New Beginning's for me. I hope that in some way I can pay forward all of the things I have learned this last year, and not let them go to waste. I know that the trials we face in this life are our Heavenly Father's mercies in disguise. (Stolen from another song :))
Love you all!